A quick description of me, at least wo I think I am. I’m getting better on explaining myself. Anyway, I am nineteen years old, but I feel much older than I actually am. When I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa when I was thirteen, I didn’t think it would last this long, I didn’t even know I was anorexic, I didn’t even know what Anorexia was, and I still don’t. After months of therapy in clinics, relapses, being almost recovered, I relapsed again, and I fell deep. So a few months ago I started a new therapy, and again it’s so extremely hard to give myself completely. It makes recovering so incredibly difficult because my disease wants me to be ill. I see my eating disorder as an escape from the real world. I am afraid to go to the top of the mountain, so I will always keep one hand at the door handle to feel safe, and open the door in hard times when I am afraid to fail. But I have to learn to stand there, on the top, maybe I’ll catch a tailwind. I have to learn from my mistakes. Watch me, I’ll stand there soon. 

At the moment I am in recovery. It feels like this is the last time I’m able to decide if I am going to life a great life, or stay this way the rest of my life. There is no more grid in my relationships, especially not in my relationship with my parents. They’re tired from 6 years of this eating disorder which controls our family. Now I’m fighting against this killing disease, things are getting so much better. I am going to beat this, for once and forever, for myself, to live.

I’ve had tumblr almost over two years, that’s not this blog, but my personal one.  If you want to see it, just ask me and I’ll give you the link.

PS: thank you all for following, I really appreciate. One, last thing: I’m from Holland, so please ignore my poor English, I’m doing the most I can. And you guys are great. I consider myself lucky with all your support. I wish you all the best.